Straight faced March 22

Let us not look at things
the way they are.
When you are already prepared to be meek,
and everyone is clever,
everyone is trying to get away with a dozen;
what do I have to dream of?
Every day I wake up and I see
that I am alone,
trying to fill gaps,
trying to feel better
about who I am.
I am anxious, I am afraid
that I will feel too relaxed and then I’ll slip away
leaving everyone I know far behind.
Is that too difficult, too improbable?
I sit on the edge of my chair,
watch my breath quiz my mind – NO
I am not content. I am somehow tired
and still working. Not exhausted,
just listless. Watching the white walls of my room
discover the sunlight ajascent.